Boom Town

If a dog walker short shrifts his bowwow by ten minutes and no human is there to see it, is he still an asshole? Boomer, a blue-eyed husky mix, will not answer this question. In fact, Boomer will not implicate anyone who is willing to take him on a walk. Some days, he goes so far as to fake exhaustion to convince his humans that the walker wore him out. Never mind if the walker merely strolled him round a magnolia and let him sniff the neighbor’s gate.

On a recent Monday, Boomer’s humans arrived home at 12:20 and found Boomer massacring imaginary squirrels in his bed. The walker’s note read as follows:

Pet Name: Boomer

Pick Up Time: 12:00

Drop Off time: 12:30

#1 : x

#2:

 Comments:

The only thing missing in the “comments” section was, “I am a pathological liar”.

Sharing Boomer’s blind allegiance to the walker, his humans attributed the error to “pre-writing the walk notes”; deeming the walker both blameless and incredibly efficient. Then, they swatted Boomer out of his bed and instructed him to walk himself for ten minutes.

Perhaps the walker in your mind is a shy teenage dog-lover trying to raise money for veterinary school. If so, delete that naive picture and begin again. This walker drives a new car, has designer male highlights, and talks on his i-phone while Boomer tries valiantly to turn him into a sled.

If you need more ammunition, here it is: the man makes twenty dollars a “walk”.

What an asshole.